Wednesday, January 29, 2014

My Personality, ESFJ

   If someone tried to define ESFJ personality traits in three words, it would probably be Practical, Altruistic and Sociable. Forming around 12% of the population, ESFJs want to be of service to others and take their commitments very seriously – they do not really worry about what role they are in, as long as they get a chance to socialize with other people and feel valued and appreciated.

   ESFJs are great team players, always able to sense tensions and incompatibilities. They are very traditional, doing their best to support and defend authority and law. People with this personality type also tend to be very devoted, whether they are playing the role of a party host or a social worker. It is quite easy to recognize ESFJs in social events – they will find enough time to chat with everybody.

   As ESFJs always try to seek harmony in all possible areas, they are easily offended by others’ disinterest or reluctance to participate in the activities the ESFJ finds noble and important. If uncontrolled, this may be one of ESFJ weaknesses and people with this personality type should consciously try to observe their own behavior around people of different cultures, background or personality types.

   ESFJs pay a lot of attention to their looks and are very sensitive about their social status – this particular topic is a true minefield for anyone who decides to discuss it with an ESFJ, especially if there is at least some criticism or sarcasm involved. ESFJs also respect hierarchy and do their best to achieve a position of authority.

   ESFJ personalities love to be involved in conversations focusing on practical topics or other people’s lives – however, they will do their best to get out of the discussion once it touches abstract, theoretical topics. Analyzing complex ideas and discussing causes and consequences does not interest ESFJ personalities at all, in a stark contrast to NT types.

   ESFJs tend to be very warm, sensitive and perceptive. These are great traits but they can also cause difficulties for them and those around them – people with this personality type are likely to find it quite difficult to cope with situations that involve criticism or conflict.

   An ESFJ is likely to take their commitments extremely seriously, putting security and stability above everything else, while not forgetting little but important details in their lives. This personality trait makes them very stable and loyal partners. ESFJs prefer structure over spontaneity, and value clarity, predictability and stability – in all areas of their lives.

   Due to the above personality traits, ESFJ women are usually seen as extraordinarily feminine and are frequently depicted as role models in both real life and movies or TV shows. ESFJ men generally express and use these traits in a different way.

ESFJ strengths
  • Always look for win-win situations. ESFJ personalities value harmony and do their best to avoid conflict wherever possible. They are natural team players, trying to get along with everyone.
  • Very loyal. ESFJs value relationships and stability very highly and try hard to not disturb the status quo unless absolutely necessary. This makes them very loyal and trustworthy employees and partners.
  • Sensitive and warm. ESFJ personalities seek harmony and care deeply about other people’s feelings, being careful not to offend or hurt anybody.
  • Know how to connect to people. ESFJs are social and friendly individuals who have no difficulties with small talk or following other social rituals. People with this personality type also tend to have a strong need to belong, e.g. by playing an active role in the local community.
  • Take their duties very seriously. ESFJ personalities tend to be responsible and reliable, paying a lot of attention to their duties and responsibilities. They can be very hard workers, often putting their duties above their own needs.
  • Good with practical matters. People with the ESFJ personality type have excellent practical skills and do not mind dealing with routine, daily tasks. They will always make sure that people close to them are cared for.
ESFJ weaknesses
  • Often obsessed with their social status. ESFJs tend to have a very strong need to be seen as responsible, respected and successful individuals – they will do everything to increase their social status and influence.
  • May be inflexible. ESFJs place a lot of importance on traditions and may often worry too much about what other people see as acceptable. Consequently, they are likely to be very careful or even critical when it comes to unconventional methods or non-mainstream views.
  • Unwilling to improvise. People with the ESFJ personality type dislike venturing outside their comfort zone and taking bold steps, usually out of fear of being (or appearing) different.
  • Very vulnerable to criticism. ESFJs strongly dislike conflicts and criticism – they can get very defensive and hurt if someone (especially a person close to them) criticizes their habits, ideas or favorite traditions.
  • Often too selfless. ESFJ personalities may care and worry so much about others that their attention will become overwhelming and ultimately unwelcome. This is also likely to lead to their own needs being neglected.
  • May be needy. ESFJs need to know that they are liked and their efforts are valued. Consequently, people with this personality type may often fish for compliments or try to attract other people’s attention.
ESFJ Relationships


   People with the ESFJ personality type value security, stability and sense of belonging. Naturally, romantic relationships are very important to them, especially if they culminate in marriage and family. ESFJs take all relationship stages very seriously – even if they have just started dating someone, they will do their best to understand and support the other person.
   Support and mutual respect are very important factors in ESFJ relationships. ESFJs strongly dislike all forms of conflict and criticism, especially if critical comments are coming from someone close to them – they are likely to take them very personally. People with this personality type need to know that they are loved and appreciated, and this can greatly influence their mood and self-esteem.
   While ESFJs should definitely try to grow a thicker skin when it comes to rational and justified criticism, partners of ESFJ personalities also need to make sure that they offer enough support and attention. ESFJs are naturally very warm and loyal, but they really want to be trusted and valued by people who mean a lot to them. This can keep them going in the face of immense difficulties – ESFJs can be surprisingly tough, but they need to know that their partner will be there to support them every step of the way. There are few things more hurtful and depressing to an ESFJ than a sudden realization that their partner does not really respect or care about their dreams or opinions.
   That being said, less mature ESFJs may feel the need to be appreciated, but not have enough inner strength or wisdom to actually attract the attention they seek. In such relationships, the ESFJ personality may become very needy and seek their partner’s approval at all costs, even if it means going against their own principles and values. ESFJs should be careful not to fall into this trap, especially if they are still in the dating phase – neediness is not only unattractive, but it may also lead to an abusive relationship, which will further damage the ESFJ’s self-esteem.
   ESFJ personalities are great at dealing with everyday matters, including money management – they will happily take such responsibilities upon themselves and work hard to make sure that everything is fine with this aspect of their relationship. On the other hand, ESFJs tend to be very traditional, so they will probably stick to socially expected gender roles in the relationship. Anyone dating an ESFJ should also be aware of that – people with this personality type are likely to obey the perceived “dating rules”, which may change depending on what environment they are in.
   Generally speaking, social status is very important to ESFJs and they will definitely care how their relationship is seen by their social circle, relatives etc. It is crucial that the ESFJ recognizes this trait and puts it in perspective – otherwise, both the selection of their dating partners and the ESFJ’s behavior in romantic relationships may be influenced more by other people’s opinions than by their own values. ESFJs tend to be very social individuals and they enjoy having a big circle of friends, but that need for social validation should not overshadow their own dreams.
   ESFJ personalities tend to be very affectionate and sensual, seeing intimacy as a fantastic way to make their partner happy. ESFJs are very much in touch with the physical world and they are also highly emotional. It is likely that the ESFJ will prefer predictability and traditional roles while they are still dating or if their partner is fully satisfied with such a situation – however, they will also be open to experimenting and trying out new things if the other person is willing to reciprocate.
ESFJ Friendship
   ESFJ friends are likely to be very loyal and willing to spend a lot of time with people who are important to them (if they feel comfortable around the individual). ESFJs are warm, social and traditional individuals who seek strong relationships and do everything they can to make their friends happy. Not surprisingly, ESFJ personalities tend to be very popular and well-liked, no matter where they are.
   ESFJs enjoy making their friends feel good, but they also expect them to reciprocate. People with this personality type strongly dislike criticism, especially if negative comments come from the people they trust. It is important for ESFJs to not be too judgmental when it comes to communicating with people who have different views and opinions – living in a bubble prevents us from improving ourselves.
   People with the ESFJ personality type should also be aware that their sensitivity enables them to recognize what motivates and drives their friends – this knowledge then can be used for both good (encouraging and inspiring other people) and bad (manipulation and control). Unfortunately, many ESFJs also choose to believe that their friends can do no wrong, always stepping up and defending them regardless of the situation.
   Generally speaking, ESFJ friends are likely to try very hard to keep their relationships strong and their social circle happy. Their pleasant, sincere personality will win them many acquaintances and friends.

ESFJ Parenthood

   ESFJ parents are likely to be very warm, affectionate and dedicated. People with this personality type tend to be sensitive yet firm and traditional at the same time. These traits will be reflected in their family environment as well – ESFJs will do their best to support and defend their children, but they will also expect them to respect their authority.

   ESFJ personalities put harmony and stability above everything else – not surprisingly, they will always try to ensure that their children feel safe and happy.
   Being so sensitive and warm, ESFJs loathe conflicts and do their best to get out of such situations. Consequently, ESFJ parents are likely to use other means to confront and discipline. 


ESFJ Career

   We will start the article about typical ESFJ careers by restating that the key words for ESFJs are Practical, Altruistic and Sociable. The jobs that ESFJs tend to choose reflect this as well – as people with this personality type are ultimate extroverts and very strong Sentinels (SJs), these traits tend to be clearly expressed and push them towards certain career paths. As always, please do not hesitate to leave us a comment below if you have any questions, suggestions or criticism.

   To begin with, ESFJs are very organized, dependable and practical individuals. They take pleasure in making their environment more structured and predictable, and do not shy away from monotonous, routine tasks. Some of the best career paths for ESFJs revolve around these traits – for instance, people with this personality type can be excellent bookkeepers, accountants or administrators.

Next, it is worth pointing out the fact that ESFJs are very comfortable in social situations. They are good listeners and valuable team members, and prefer jobs that involve some level of personal contact and emotional feedback – pure analytical careers may be too dull for them. ESFJs also tend to have a lot of practical knowledge and skills. Unsurprisingly, some of the best ESFJ careers are in teaching, medical care, counseling or social work.


Finally, it is important to mention one trait that may be seen as a weakness by some personality types – however, it often drives the ESFJ career forward more than anything else does. ESFJs really need to feel appreciated and know that they have helped someone. People with this personality type find it hard to feel satisfied with their job if they are not convinced that they are creating some value and giving it to others. This trait is a driving force behind many typical ESFJ careers, especially if they are in the fields of religious, social or psychological work.
ESFJ In The Workplace 
ESFJs are very sociable, warm individuals who excel at getting different people to work together and ensuring harmony in the workplace. It is easy to get along with them, but there are many personality types that do not share the ESFJs’ attitude and may find it difficult to work together – after all, each type has its own strengths, weaknesses and ways of thinking. However, let us focus on the ESFJs themselves – how are they likely to act in the professional environment?

ESFJ colleagues

  • Good team workers
  • Seek friends at work
  • Very social, may find it difficult to work alone
  • Sensitive, likely to get stressed easily
  • Usually very willing to help their colleagues
  • Vulnerable to criticism, likely to get offended if colleagues are not interested in their ideas
  • Good networkers


ESFJ managers

  • Genuinely enjoy managing other people
  • Good at convincing and uniting team members
  • Able to make everyone feel involved
  • Respect traditional power structures
  • May be very sensitive about their status and react badly if someone challenges their authority
  • Likely to be short-tempered in stressful situations

ESFJ subordinates

  • Need to have clear roles, rules and guidelines
  • Patient, efficient and hard-working
  • Very loyal
  • Do not mind doing routine tasks
  • Respect authority and traditions
  • Prefer structure and safety to freedom and improvisation

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